69. Emotional Rollercoaster

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This weekend already has been tough for me. Crying really makes you tired. It’s like the tears stick on you for the rest of the day. After the crying-part of friday there was: the stress. We had repitition for our performance and Vincent didn’t showed up. I was like: OMG WHERE IS HE! (poor Hendrik :’) ). The repitition of course sucked… I was preparing myself for the dive that my reputation was about to take. Seven o’clock: no Vincent, a quarter past seven: no Vincent… More stress.  AND THEN: there is Vincent !(yelled at him, shot him down with my eyes and then wished him a happy birthday). The performance was perfect, no mistakes.. well no mistakes that you could notice . The video will be online soon ^^

Sended textmessages to Cas untill 1 a.m. (I miss him so much!) & then fell asleep to wake up at … 6 a.m. yay! After work is was so tired that I really was happy to come home. And there they were: Tess & Ines :’). We all three were sooooo tired :’) and still we were hyperactif. I did enjoyed this two days actually, with my crazy friends :’). I secretly do love them, I really do.

68. I can’t say how much I love him.

Cas & Veronique

For the first time…

This is a post I wrote on the 11th of july, 2007. I never published it. Now I found it again and I actually think it’s beautiful. I never finished the text, and I’m not planning on finishing it either. It is about a period in my life that is over now. But I still like the way I wrote my feelings down :’).

It seems to me, that I got no feelings anymore. I can’t remember the feeling of pain, or love. It’s like I’m naked in the dark. And for the first time in my life I’m scared. I’m scared to lose the people who are fighting for me. So I can get my feelings back. So I can love them. Because they do deserve to be loved.

Het lijkt alsof niets meer me raakt… Toch niet meer intens zoals het vroeger zou zijn.
Ik zou intens verliefd zijn. Intense pijn voelen als ik viel. Intens droevig zijn als er iemand stierf in een film. Intens gelukkig zijn bij elk moment dat ik omringd was door iemand waar ik van hou. En nu kom ik tot het besef dat, bij het wegvallen van die intensiteit, ik misschien ook mijn vrienden zou kunnen kwijtraken. De enige personen die mij duidelijk proberen te maken dat ik mijn hart terug moet openstellen.

67. Unfair

This life is so unfair. I just thought everything would be allright, I didn’t notice that happiness can walk out of your life without a goodbye.

To the person who already lost too much, who already had too much to handle.. I was angry you know, lost in a way. I didn’t understand why and what would happen next. I didn’t know whether I could handle this, that I would be enough to support her. She has always been there for me and I’m always there for her. But will it be enough? What if I fail, am I a bad friend then?

People are always complaining about their miserable lives, while they have nothing to complain about. There are so many worse things… and we don’t think about that. Maybe it’s better that we don’t think about it, it would only make us depressed. I want her to know that I’m here for her.

66. You are loved

This is what I want to say to you
If I had one chance to tell you something
You are loved
More than you can imagine

- You are loved – Rebecca St. James

It is strange how one person can change your look on life. I used to write about how much I hated boys, how much I hated love ( Strawberry Sweet Song). All the power to the girls!
But then love calls your name and it’s like I’m under a spell. I forgot how it was to love someone and to be loved. Now I write songs about a love full of contradictions which is stronger than any other love in the world (Come back in december).

& I know, I seriously need to make some new photos & I SWEAR I’ll record my songs so you all can listen to it ^^.

Full version at http://iloveheroes.deviantart.com/